New Hobby!!

SELF-REFLECTION

DAY 25

This journey I am on has been a wonderful one so far. I have learned so many things about myself and I have already come so far. Where we live is absolutely beautiful. I have been trying to get out of the house a lot more. I have been trying to be more active in general. Just because I am a stay at home mother doesn’t mean I need to be couped up in the house! My family and I were out exploring the island last week and what did we find? We found a tiny beach (over a small cliff) that has seaglass! You kind of have to search between the rocks to find these treasures but it is well worth it. Seaglass is really beautiful! And looking for seaglass is just like going on a treasure hunt! It is so exciting for me to have a new hobby. Also this is something I can do ON MY OWN. I can go alone and it is absolutely wonderful. It is so relaxing and the scenery as you can see is amazing. It is nice to be able to have a place I can go to. I can go there to think and relax and also treasure hunt. So now I am not only a painter, I am an avid seaglass hunter, and I LOVE IT!! So glad I get to share these wonderful milestones with all of you.

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That Time I Almost Died

SELF-REFLECTION

DAY 8

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It was 2012.  We were living in Texas, and it felt like it was my husband and I against the world.  We had been there for two years, and still we only had each other.  I was pregnant for the third time. A couple of weeks passed and I new in my heart something was wrong.  You see, with my first two pregnancies I was severely ill.  I’m talking bed ridden, hospitalized, feeding tube ILL.  So ill in fact, the doctors had warned me that this sickness would follow me if I ever chose to get pregnant again.  They even told me I should consider getting my tubes tied.  I’m hard headed, and I do what I want. I wanted more children.  That was that. Anyway, the main reason I knew something was wrong? I was not sick.  Not at all. My gut told me something was going to happen, and it did.

I went to the emergency room because I was lightheaded and cramping.  They did blood work only, and told me I was pregnant. The doctor told me everything was fine and sent me home. Still lightheaded and still cramping.  EVERYTHING WAS NOT FINE.

The next evening while I was making dinner, I collapsed in excrutiating pain.  I can’t even begin to describe what I was feeling, and believe me, I have a very high pain tolerance.  I was crying.  My husband helped me to the couch, and reassured me that everything was ok. After all, we had just spent the day before in the hospital, and they said I was fine.  I took a hot bath and it helped.  I went to bed, but I couldn’t sleep.  I was in so much pain, and it was radiating from my shoulders into my neck.  My lower abdomen felt like someone was stabbing me constantly.  I awoke the next morning, and my husband had already left for work.  When I got out of bed, I realized that something must be wrong.  I could barely walk, and my stomach was so large that I literally looked 9 months pregnant.

I tried to call my husband. No answer.  I took L ( who was 2 at the time) and walked to my neighbors (who I barely knew.). It just so happened that my neighbor had a friend over and she was a nurse.  This woman saw me and told me right away I needed to go to the hospital.  Even though I was in pain, I was still hesitant about going to the hospital because I was just there and they told me I was fine.  This nurse told me I needed to get checked out.  I called my OBGYN and made an appointment for 4 pm.  When my husband got home, we headed to the doctors’ office.

They immediately did a sonogram.  There was no baby, and I was bleeding internally.  The reason my stomach was so extended? I was bleeding inside.  I had an ectopic pregnancy, my Fallopian tube had ruptured, and I needed emergency surgery.  My life depended on it.  For those of you who don’t know, an ectopic pregnancy is when the fertilized egg meant to become your baby grows inside your Fallopian tube instead of your uterus.  The next few minutes are a complete blur. They had me headed into the operating room within 10 minutes after finding out what was wrong.  I was scared to death.  My husband waited with our toddler and he was terrified. I’ll never forget the look on his face.

After the surgery, the Doctor came in to see me.  The only words I remember her saying are, “If you had gone to bed instead of coming to the office, you would not have made it.”  These words still echo in my mind today.  I lost my right tube, but I lived.  I was alive, and I owed every bit of thanks to that stranger at my neighbors’ house.  She convinced me something was wrong. I needed to be convinced because it was only a day earlier that a doctor had told me I was fine, everything was fine.  That doctor did not do his job, and because of his incompetence, I almost lost my life.

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This “stranger” who just happened to be a nurse, saved my life.  I never saw her again after that day.  I don’t even know if she knows what she did for me, and I think about it all of the time.  She was my guardian angel. I wish I could tell her THANK YOU.

Why we should start searching for ourselves now and not later

 

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle

The Merriam-Webster definition of self discovery is as follows: “the act or process of gaining knowledge or understanding of your abilities, character and feeling.”

If you are anything like me, you probably ask yourself often: “Who am I beyond raising children, making meals, and cleaning the house?” Surely I am not the only mother who has had this thought? If you wonder who you are, where “you” went or where your life is going now is the time to begin your search and I’m going to tell you why.

THE EFFECTS OF SELF-DISCOVERY CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE

I am confident that if we find the things we are passionate about as individuals and pursue them we will be much happier people in general. If we are happier women, we will in turn become better wives and better mothers. We need to be the best “me” we can. Essentially as mothers we are the glue that binds our family. Who we are is reflected onto our children. They watch us everyday, they grow everyday and they learn new things everyday.

I have four children ages 10, 5, 2 (almost 3) and 1. They are only getting older and so am I. I want to make sure that from here on out when they look at me they see a person who is happy, confident and content.

WE WANT OUR CHILDREN  TO LIVE THEIR LIVES TO THEIR FULL POTENTIAL

The other day my five year old said to me “mommy when I grow up I want to be a stay at home mom like you.” This struck a chord with me. Please understand, there is nothing wrong with US being stay at home moms. However, I have four daughters and I do not want that to be their life goal. We all want the best for our kids. We want to raise doctors, teachers, pilots, poets, artists, nurses and dentists. If our children have the opportunity to stay at home AFTER they establish themselves somewhat in life then that is great.

I’m not sure about you, but I don’t want my girls to look at me and think I am living the dream. I’m not. I don’t even know what my dreams are. To me, that is a problem. We should have dreams, and our children should watch us pursue them. They need to know there is more to “mom” than motherhood. We are setting an example, let’s make it awesome and unforgettable. Let’s teach them things they can carry into their own lives.

KNOWING WHO WE REALLY ARE WILL HELP US LEAD MORE FULFILLING, MEANINGFUL LIVES

Once we begin peeling back our layers, we can learn things about ourselves we never knew. We can establish new values, and they will reflect in our parenting and even our marriage. Once we have some idea of what we want from life and how to start getting it, we can meet new people with similar interests. We may even form lifelong friendships. We will have more fun because we will be more free. Free to be OURSELVES.

I often feel disconnected from myself because I don’t know who I am or what I want beyond the mommy character I portray on a daily basis. I want to find these things out now because I am not getting any younger. This life we live is a short one and before we know it our babies will have babies. Then what? Who are you without them? I want to improve myself now. I want to love myself so I can be the best wife and mother I can be. My family deserves the best me and I intend on giving it now and not later.