TO ETSY OR NOT ETSY THAT IS THE QUESTION? WHAT AM I SO AFRAID OF?
I was tagged by Katie Ruiz to participate in this fun “4 Secrets” post. I don’t usually do things like this but I thought it would be a cute way for me to tell you a little more about myself. Here it goes!
Four names people call me other than my real name:
- Mommy (my favorite)
- Baby (my husband)
- Bug (my mom when I was little)
- Rachel Rooster (ugh my Dad..not too sure about this one lol)
Four Jobs I have had:
- I played poker for a living when I was a single mother (True story..I’ll tell you about it someday)
- Substitute teacher (high school hell)
- Cake decorator (Loved that one)
Four movies I have watched more than once:
- Pan’s Labyrinth by Guillermo del Toro (one of my favorites..so beautiful)
- Green Street Hooligans (another all time favorite)
- The entire Harry Potter series
- The Boondock Saints
Hello beautiful dreamers! All of you probably think I dropped off of the planet because I have not written in over a week but I assure I am still here and I have been VERY productive lately! I am very proud to announce that my three year old is FINALLY potty trained! It took a little longer to train her than my first two girls but we did it! If anyone needs any tips just ask, I am full of information! Also, I have really taken a step back and reevaluated my life. I have been painting and creating, and I think I finally know what having a life beyond mommy means for me.
When I began this journey almost three months ago, I had no idea where I was going or what to expect. I didn’t even really know how I was going to accomplish my goal or how I was going to get the things I wanted in my life. All I knew was I wanted more LIFE in my life. I wanted to do more than just be a mother and a housewife. There was something missing, and I needed to find what that something was. Well my friends. I think I may have found what I have been looking for.
At the beginning, I intended on using Art as my therapy. I have been painting more than I ever have and it has become so much more than just therapy. By painting the way that I have been , I have pushed myself farther than I have ever gone before. I have realized things about my talent that I have never known. I never even knew I had artistic ability until I was in the 7th grade. I went with a friend to her art class one weekend and as soon as I entered the building I felt at home. It was the strangest thing that has ever happened to me. The paints, the canvases and the brushes all so new to me yet very familiar as well. I picked up my first brush and as soon as I began to paint I knew I was meant to be an artist. Here I am years later and I am wondering why I haven’t applied my talents to my life before now? I have really tried to stretch my comfort zone over the past week. I have gone new places with these recent paintings and I have reached new heights. I have never shown my work before, and in no way have I ever tried to sell them or make anything of my art. However, I feel I have finally identified what needs to change in my life in order for me to feel fulfilled and satisfied. I know it is not going to be easy, but I would rather try and fail than not try at all and always wonder “what if.” The clock is not going to stop. Time is going to keep passing. If I want to make a change and if I want to make something of the person I am other than mommy, the time is NOW. No more procrastinating, no more excuses. I want to do what I love. I want to create and I want to paint and I want to show the world what I can do. I am not just a mother, I am an artist as well. I want my voice to be heard.
I am considering opening a shop on ETSY. Do any of you guys have Etsy shops? How is it? Do you enjoy what you do? Do you think Etsy is a good fit for me? I would love any feedback you can give me. I am excited to start this new part of my journey, and a little nervous too. Also I wanted to let everyone know I am on Twitter now. I would love if you followed me @lifebeyondmommy.
almost three months ago, I had no idea where I was going or what to expect. All I knew was I wanted more LIFE in my life. I wanted a purpose other than being a mother and a housewife.
This journey I am on has been a wonderful one so far. I have learned so many things about myself and I have already come so far. Where we live is absolutely beautiful. I have been trying to get out of the house a lot more. I have been trying to be more active in general. Just because I am a stay at home mother doesn’t mean I need to be couped up in the house! My family and I were out exploring the island last week and what did we find? We found a tiny beach (over a small cliff) that has seaglass! You kind of have to search between the rocks to find these treasures but it is well worth it. Seaglass is really beautiful! And looking for seaglass is just like going on a treasure hunt! It is so exciting for me to have a new hobby. Also this is something I can do ON MY OWN. I can go alone and it is absolutely wonderful. It is so relaxing and the scenery as you can see is amazing. It is nice to be able to have a place I can go to. I can go there to think and relax and also treasure hunt. So now I am not only a painter, I am an avid seaglass hunter, and I LOVE IT!! So glad I get to share these wonderful milestones with all of you.
HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!! Things have been really great lately! I am really looking forward to the weekend! I have big plans! I fully intend on writing my newest blog about my newest hobby! I have found an amazing thing that I simply LOVE doing. I can’t wait to share it with all of you! Also I plan on painting this weekend! I can’t wait and I can’t wait to share my newest piece of art with everyone. Hopefully it turns out so I can share it LOL. I am a perfectionist when it comes to my artwork so if it is not perfect I will toss it! Why can’t I be a perfectionist about the housework? Or the laundry? Man I seriously hate the laundry. I hate the dishes too…I think I just hate anything housework related. ANYWAY, I am so excited to write this weekend!!
“I AM ON THE HUNT FOR WHO I’VE YET TO BECOME”
I have learned a lot about myself over the past couple of months. When I first started this journey, I never dreamed it would help me grow as much as it has. I have shared many personal things on my blog so far. I have really enjoyed being open and honest, but there are still a lot of things I have kept hidden. Hopefully, over the next few weeks I will finally be able to get rid of these skeletons in my closet for good. One thing I have neglected to share with you is I have terrible social anxiety. I have always felt somewhat uncomfortable in crowds of people, but over the past couple of years it has gotten a lot worse. I know it probably sounds a little crazy, but there have been times when I was grocery shopping that as the store would get busy, panic would set in. I have actually left my entire cart of groceries sitting in the middle of an isle all by its lonesome too many times to count. Shopping at the mall doesn’t always go very well for me, and there are certain restaurants I can’t step foot in on a Friday or Saturday night. As I am confessing these things, I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. To prove just how dedicated I am to this journey of becoming a better person, yesterday I stepped completely out of my comfort zone. I actually attended the St. Patricks Day parade in Newport RI, and I stayed the entire time!
I have to be completely honest, the thought of going to this event terrified me! The St. Patricks Day parade here is HUGE!! Literally thousands of people attend and over 2000 people march in it.This parade dates all the way back to 1863. So when I say I stepped out of my comfort zone, I am not exaggerating! The parade was set to start at 11 a.m. so we arrived an hour early with the girls in order to find a prime viewing spot. We were extremely lucky and found a bench to sit on. I have never seen so many people in one place in all of my life. The restaurants and bars opened and starting serving people at 8 a.m.! I have never seen so many drunk people in all of my life either! Maybe I am somewhat sheltered, but this parade was a whole new experience for me!
As people started arriving to watch the parade, I could feel my anxiety brewing. My heart was racing and at times I even felt dizzy. I know I sound like a crazy person, but this was the largest crowd I have ever been in! I actually hid my panic quite well. My girls were having the time of their lives and seeing the smile on their faces made me so happy. My husband walked them up close to the curb so they could have a front row view. I stayed on the bench so I would not be standing in the middle of a huge crowd. Even though I stayed back a little, I am still really proud of myself. This was a huge accomplishment for me. I didn’t have a panic attack. Whenever I started to feel the panic set in, I thought of my kids and how special of a day this was for them. Those thoughts helped me keep calm enough to make it through the entire two hour show! A crazy thing did happen though, about half way through, a woman standing beside the bench fainted! I helped get her to the bench and gave her a juice box while her husband called the ambulance. That whole experience was so surreal for me because usually I am the one who faints in public. Maybe one day I will go more into detail about that. It felt so good to be able to help her. I have been in her shoes many times before, and I knew exactly how to handle the situation. Even better, I didn’t panic at all!
I accomplished so many things yesterday, and even though I can’t say that my social anxiety is cured, I can say that I am one step closer to having LESS social anxiety, and that is huge. This whole experience has empowered me. It has made me realize so many things. I can be a better person. I can be a happier person. I can be a stronger person. I just have to put forth the effort. Who I am now is not the person I have to be. I can improve myself and I will. Being on this road to self-discovery is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I have been working very hard over the past few weeks at trying to lose weight and get myself back into some kind of shape worth being proud of. Having been pregnant four times, let me be the first to tell you, my body is certainly not what it used to be. Not at all. Not in any way, shape or form….It’s ok though, I am learning to embrace the sagging. No that’s a complete lie. I am not embracing any of the sagging. Screw the sagging.
I am very happy to announce that I mastered the hula hoop exercise on the Wii Fit. LOL I know I know, my life goals are awesome. Anyway last week I moved on to Zumba on the Wii Fit. Let’s talk about Zumba for a moment. Holy so hard I can’t feel my legs for days. It hurts, so it must be working. Go Zumba.
I have come so far since January. I have lost weight. I eat better. My heart is healthier, and I know this because I can actually do Zumba without fainting. Anyway, because I have accomplished so much, yesterday I wanted to treat myself. What better way to treat yourself for losing weight than a slice of cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory? Vanilla Bean to be exact. Seriously the best idea ever, I know. I put my plan in motion. My mistake? Sending my husband.
I sent my husband on one simple mission, to go purchase me one slice of delicious Vanilla Bean cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory. What does he do? He purchases me an ENTIRE CHEESECAKE!! WHAT THE WORLD!! Hello!! Doesn’t he know the amount of effort it has taken for me to come this far? UGH. I have has this cheesecake not even 24 hours. I had a slice for dessert last night. I had a slice for a late night snack…last night. AND I had a slice for breakfast this morning. They were huge slices…OK OK they weren’t slices at all. I actually just went to town on it with a fork. The stupid thing is now half-eaten. Yes, I ate half of an entire cheesecake in three sittings. I may be in need of some sort of therapy. The sad part is, the cheesecake is still here. It is in my refrigerator as I am typing this. And it is calling my name. I seriously need to throw the stupid thing away. I can’t bring myself to do it. It cost way more than any cheesecake on this planet should EVER cost, and it is the most delicious thing I have eaten in 3 months. I blame my husband.
I hate you Vanilla Bean Cheesecake. Nope, that’s another lie. I love you Vanilla Bean Cheesecake. I love you so much. Damn youuuuuuu.
This thought of the day will be short and sweet. Just wanted to share this with all of my friends out there. I have just tried the ZUMBA Wii for the first time. The phrase “I can’t feel my face” now has a whole new meaning. I can’t feel my face…my legs…my arms…my feet…. I will certainly be regretting this decision in the morning. That is all.
The past week has been a tough one. I have really been missing Josie. I have been thinking about her nonstop since we said goodbye. I realized today how selfish I have been, and I feel so awful about it. I always knew that not having her here with us effected everyone, but I never realized how much until now. My little Lily, who is six, has cried for Josie this week many times. Some things are just impossible for her to understand right now. I have tried my best to comfort her, but my words do not matter. She wants her sister, and I understand.
That is a picture of Josie and I when she was just a couple of months old. I remember being terrified when I was pregnant with her. I was 19 years old. Now that I am older, I can see just how young 19 is. I remember how scared I was of becoming a mother. I wanted her to have the best, and I wasn’t sure if that was me, but something amazing happened the day she was born. I may have only been 19, but I will never forget how naturally being a mother came to me. Everything came so easily. Breastfeeding, soothing her, even the sleepless nights. I knew how to be her mother immediately because I was meant to be her mother. There is not a doubt in my mind, God granted me the wisdom and the patience I needed. And believe me, at 19 I needed both of those things.
I knew once I had Josie that being a mother was the greatest thing I would ever be. A parent has a very special kind of love for their children. It is unconditional and it is undying. I believe that a parents love is the most genuine, most pure form of true love that there is. For a mother, once she begins to grow life in her belly, her life is changed forever. As parents, once you hold your baby in your arms, you know your life will never be the same again, and that is ok because you don’t want it to be. You have never loved anything or anyone in this world so much, and you never will……until you have more children of course. As your family grows, so does your heart and so does your love. I have four daughters now, and I can honestly say that being their mother is my greatest accomplishment in life so far.
I love my children more than life. When they are hurting, I am hurting. There are certain things I can fix, with a Band-Aid or a kiss. Lily wants Josie, and I can’t fix that. Pretty soon, they will all want Josie. They will all have questions, and they will not understand the answers that I give. Even if they can’t understand why things are the way they are, I hope they all understand how much I love them, and why I made the choices I made.
As you all know, I am on a journey of self-discovery. I am searching for myself, among other things. I have vowed to lose weight. I have vowed to explore my artistic abilities, and to write more. Today I am vowing to be the best mother I can possibly be, so my children never have to question my love for them. Don’t get me wrong, I am a pretty awesome mother already. However, I am human so of course there is always room for improvement. It is amazing the things you learn and how much you can grow if you allow yourself to truly self-reflect. This is so hard, but I know that I will come out a better person, mother and wife when I am finished. Thanks for being there guys!