This whole self-reflecting bit has been an emotional roller coaster for me. I need to be honest right now. This has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. I feel vulnerable, powerless almost, as I succumb to the inevitable. I know that these reflections are a must, and they have to happen so I can find peace within myself.
Over these past couple of weeks, I have learned so much about myself. As far back as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a different person. I have often felt insecure and lost. I have never felt that anything I did in this life truly mattered, until now. I have never shown my artwork, until now. I lived in fear of failing, fear of never being good enough. Why do I always feel like there is something about me that needs to be fixed? I am socially awkward, and I always tend to say the wrong thing. I’m quirky, and weird, and I talk A LOT.
I have really begun to see things in a whole new light. Trying to fix these characteristics of myself is a complete waste of time. Why? Because these characteristics make up who I am. Without them, I wouldn’t be ME. Yes I am awkward and weird, but I am also one of the kindest people you could ever meet. I am a true friend, which is a rarity these days. I have a huge heart, and all I want in this life is to make a difference. I want to tell my story to inspire others. I want to share my art because it is MINE. I want to bare my soul on paper and canvas because I am an artist. I want to be ME. No more masks, no more trying to change. You can’t fix something that is not meant to be fixed. I have tried. I am finally starting to come out of my shell. It only took 30 years. I feel like I have everyone here to thank for that. I have given you the real me and you have accepted her. Now that I have this new found wisdom, what will I do with it? Stay tuned my friends…..