Getting personal: No Judging




Since it is the beginning of a new year and I am on a mission to find a new me, it only seems fitting that I set some goals for myself. I am going to stay positive and say that as I achieve each goal of mine, or as I attempt to achieve them, I will write all about it here. I’ll keep everyone posted. 


PLAN: There is something about me you should know. A secret. About three years ago, I posted a video to YouTube. It went a little viral. Waaayyy more viral than I ever expected. Ever since this video was posted, I have been publicly ridiculed about my weight, my looks, and even my voice. Needless to say, this has been very hard for me to handle emotionally and mentally. The thing is, the people who view this video don’t know me. They don’t know that just one month prior I gave birth to my third daughter. They don’t know that the clothes I am wearing hardly fit because NOTHING in my closet fits. I am still losing the baby weight gained during pregnancy, and my bra doesn’t fit because my newborn is breastfeeding and her lunch is ten minutes overdue. They obviously don’t know that I am a person with feelings. I never thought the world would see this video and focus so much on my weight and appearance. Shame on them. The mean comments have left me with a very distorted body image. They have affected me in many ways. There used to be days I would just cry because my feelings were so hurt. Every time someone leaves a comment on my video, it is emailed to me. I try not to read them, but it is just so tempting. Seriously, usually the comments make me want to run straight into oncoming traffic. But don’t worry, I won’t. That video is not me, it is not who I am now. It was one day out of my entire life. Even though I am 45 pounds lighter now, I still have weight I want and need to lose. My sister is getting married in the fall, and when I stand with the other bridesmaids I really don’t want to feel like a meatball. I have had four kids and I know that. I just want to feel better about myself and I want to be more comfortable with my body. Being happy with the skin I am in starts with my weight. I plan on losing 20 pounds by July 10, 2016.

It’s complicated. I have a diagnosed heart condition called SVT. I have had four cardiac ablations in attempt to fix it, and I have difficulty exercising. Mainly because my heart rate gets up extremely high and causes me to faint. It is pretty awful, but that is a story for another day.

ANYWAY, I plan on starting out small with exercising. I found a used treadmill and a used WII fit (with Zumba) online. For the next month, I am going to use these and exercise atleast 30 min a day. In the beginning I will most likely need to wait for my husband to be home in case I have problems. After a month if I am doing fine and can exercise 30 min without having any issues, I will bump it up to an hour a day. I’ll continue exercising an hour a day for the remaining 5 months.

I am sorry if I rambled a bit today, I really want you guys to get to know me. This blog is meant to be personal. My story reflects my life.

If you want to see my YouTube video, you can watch it here:

DISCLAIMER: It does have a curse word in it at the very beginning. I was way too excited and got a little carried away….


14 thoughts on “Getting personal: No Judging

  1. Just wanted to say ‘hi’ and that I am officially following! I watched the video and didn’t think there was anything wrong there at all. You look great and your voice is fine! Don’t worry about internet trolls, I bet you the majority of them are middle aged losers with a lot of self esteem issues.
    Hang in there, your body will go back to normal. I found that the breastfeeding really helped. X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much my friend!! When that video first starting going viral, I was receiving so many mean comments that it literally crushed me. I was so upset lol I didn’t even know what an internet troll was! And I was really emotional from just having a baby. I cried like every time I got a mean comment! Now I just try to laugh. You are right, those people just have no lives. On a positive note though I have been dieting and exercising and I am down 50 pounds!! Woo hoo! Thanks so much for following my journey!!


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