Why I want to find myself

Well here it goes, my very first “blog.”  It is safe to say that I am no computer genius. In fact, I am so computer illiterate I barely got this thing up and running. But here we are. Most of the credit belongs to two people: my friend D, for coming over last night, making some amazing mimosas and showing me the way around a computer. And to my beautiful sister G for reminding me “only you can make a difference in your life.” Such profound words, that are now embedded in my mind for eternity. It is funny how much of a difference words can make in our lives. Oddly enough, these are the exact words that I needed to open a new chapter in my life. Like a lost key to a secret door. Let’s begin. 

I am a stay at home mom, and I do all of the things any stay at home mom does. However, I should clarify that I do not want this blog to only be about that, because there is more to me than being a wife and mother. Just like there is more to you. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love motherhood and I love my husband. So much so that I gave birth four times. I have spent years growing life in my belly, countless hours breastfeeding, changed thousand of diapers, and given hundreds of baths. I have wiped tons of snotty noses with my hand onto my pjs while trying desperately to get my toddlers settled for five minutes so I can take the time to finally drink the cup of coffee I poured two hours ago. So let’s be honest, I think it may be time for something more. Don’t you? What is the purpose of my life other than being a mother and a wife? Who am I? I mean really, how will I ever know the answers to these questions if I don’t start looking? How can I follow my dreams if I don’t even know what they are? I am thirty years old and somehow within the passing of the last ten years or so, I have slowly lost who I am. Where did I go? Was I ever myself to begin with? Thus the journey begins.

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34 thoughts on “Why I want to find myself

  1. I came to thank you for following my blog but discovered that you are suffering with the same disenchantment with motherhood that so many young women your age are suffering. I write my blog specifically with you in mind. Despite what non-Christian, radical, second-wave feminism tells you (read my post, “10+ Tenets of Christianity vs. 10+ Ideals of Radical Feminism”), being a full-time mother is the best of both worlds. It is the highest expression of the goodness and talents that Christian women possess. Please read my post, “Longform Essay – Rewarding Intellectual Stimulation? Stay-at-home CEO vs. Go-to-Work CEO”. You are more accomplished at home then you would EVER be at “work” AND your children and husband are the chief beneficiary of your talents rather than some boss or soulless company. My daughter has 4 children just like you, ages 9, 3, 2, 1, but she is a “career” woman too. She is a Sheriff’s officer and was just made Lieutenant after 16 years at her job. It all sounds so glamorous, but it is NOT. She, AND her husband, are chronically stressed, irritable and short with their kids and this, despite the fact that I have been babysitting for their kids, full time, for the last three years! Unfortunately, you are a victim of the pervasiveness of radical, second-wave feminist ideology within our culture. It is their goal to instill discontent with family life in young women because it suits their lesbian-led agenda to destroy the happy family lives of other women, that they themselves were denied as children. And, be grateful you are blessed to have a husband who can afford to have you stay home with your children. He is a PRIZE that most lonely “career” women can only dream about. Read my post, “Short Essay – Radical Feminism’s True Legacy – Being Single, Sidelined and 60 Sucks” and he is extremely lucky to have you home with your children too. Read my post, “10 Types of Women Christian Men Should NEVER Marry.” I hope you finally come to realize how wonderfully talented you are at home and that your girlfriend’s feminist view of motherhood does NOT matter one iota because your family are the only people you need to impress. Please don’t conflict your daughter’s innate desire to follow in your wonderful footsteps, as I did with my daughter, because it is NOT a path or “lifestyle” any mother would want to intentionally subject her beloved daughter to. And, this is why I write my blog, as a “mea culpa” for my past assertions and a warning to those women who are considering following in my feminist footprints. Please read my “About” page. I hope my blog brings you some solace that you have indeed made the right choice for your life’s journey and for your daughter’s happy future as wives and good mothers of children of their own. Their families, neighborhoods, churches, schools, communities and country will forever be improved for their blessed efforts to raise good kids. God bless and good luck.

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    1. I think perhaps you may have misunderstood me and what my blog is about. I know I am blessed to be home with my children and I take pride in that. My husband is amazing. My staying at home is a choice we made together. Childcare today is so expensive. If I did work, I would only be paying for daycare expenses. So staying at home was the best option for us. We still struggle financially- like most people. I don’t feel like I need a “job.” I have one here with my littles. I do however feel the need to search deep within myself so I can find out who I am beyond “mommy.” I want to explore my talents and find new ways of becoming a better person. I am no me without my kids and my husband, but there is a me that I am still searching for. One that exist beyond the calls of motherhood. And that is why I have begun this journey. I am happy as a stay at home mother. But I am not content. A lot of us are not content. We want more. And I intend on finding that more. Thanks so much for your input. I do see the things you are saying, but I have to disagree on some aspects.

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      1. That’s fine. And yes, I agree, it’s something you must work through yourself. So, once again, I wish you good luck on your journey of self-discovery, but I sincerely hope it leads you back to Home Sweet Home again. 🙂

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  2. Thank you so much for following my blog. I read this post and just want to tell you that you are not alone. That so many moms feel like you do, and not just those whose job is CEO at home. Even us moms who work outside of the home feel like we’ve lost who we are. I believe the reason is we’re just so immersed in taking care of others. And whether we work outside the home, or our work is the everyday life at home, we moms just never stop working. That can put a big dent in personal and individual contentment. I haven’t found all the keys. But I can tell you that perspective helps. Reminding ourselves we have the most important job in the world. And then slowly but surely – even if in small steps – finding the things that make us tick, energize us, and speak to our hearts. Because I’ve always been a writer, one of mine is my blog, But another passion I have is refurbishing vintage furniture. And although time is scarce, I fit things in when I can just to keep my sanity. You’ll find your things. Pay close attention to things that make you say, “I could do this every day.” Things that you think about as soon as you get up in the morning. And things that actually make your heart and your shoulders feel lighter. I wish you the best! Blessings!

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    1. Thank you so much. It is so great to know that I am not alone. I’m just trying to find my niche in the world. I love being a mother. I just want to be more for myself. I am confident I will find that person. Who knows maybe I am good at refurbishing furniture. We never know until we try. 😊

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  3. You will find bits and pieces of yourself, both good and bad, within your children like a mirror reflecting a younger version of who you could have been. In a split second, children surprise you. They question everything because they need to. Mommies get the job of answering most of those with truthful information that is age appropriate and without shame or judgement. We get to be better than our own mommies, thus producing a refined adult ready to outdo you. While answering those constant why’s, I’ve surprised myself with answers that couldn’t have come from me, but through me. I am who I need to be, right here, right now. It’s taken 4.5 decades to realize that 1 decade is like one chapter of a story on repeat until you really see it; then it’s onto the next chapter. Enjoy your third chapter of life.

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  4. Good luck with your journey. Having spent some time on that same path, I would only advise that you enjoy it–easier said than done, I know. You are part of a lucky minority these days but giving yourself permission to embrace it is a tricky thing. Even without all the religious overtones expressed in this stream, you are doing hard work and society is a beneficiary of it. I can’t –and wouldn’t– spout statistics and studies and blah blah blah about what is best for kids but being raised in a happy home with two happy, contented parents is the ideal, at least in my way of thinking, and it is not mutually exclusive to finding out who you really are. Have fun. You’ll find you.

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    1. Thank you for your words of wisdom. As a mother I am happy. I love my kids more than anything and I am glad I get to be home with them. It is just as a person, I feel lost at times and distracted. I fully intend on being home with my kids and finding myself at the same time. I believe it is possible to do both because I am both a mother and “Rachel.” I have to be honest I am scared to death. It has been many years since I “cleaned out my closet.” I hope that I learn good things about the person I am, and I hope I can learn from the bad. Thank you for reminding me to enjoy this ride. Very good advice!

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  5. Like you I have four children who I adore – I’m rather fond of my husband too! 😊 I have to work for financial reasons, however, I’m glad I work too. I do a job that I love and my job is about me 😊 it is me making decisions regarding people’s health and well-being, where my good clever brain has to work a little more than just trying to decide whether it’s carrots or chips for tea! My children are jointly cared for by myself and husband – as a consequence they have a close bond with us both. My children are growing up believing that father’s are just as capable of nurturing their children and that mother’s are just as capable, and independent, of having either a career or interests outside of motherhood.

    Whilst I respect other people’s decisions and beliefs it is a personal choice and women shouldn’t be made to feel bad for wanting to find themselves 😊

    Good luck with your blog it looks great x

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    1. Thank you Lisa. I am glad you have a job that you really enjoy. That is wonderful. Some people team me that being a mom should be enough and I should be happy. They don’t understand. I am happy… I love my family, but being just a mom isn’t enough for me. I want to be a mom and MORE. I just don’t know what that entails because I have never looked beyond myself as a mom. I’m doing it now, and blogging has been wonderful. Thank you for following my journey!

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  6. Hi Lifebeyondmommy,
    As far as your concerns about being computer illiterate, many bloggers (like me) feel that way.
    Congratulations. It sounds like you only recently started your blog. If you are interested, I help new bloggers at my site.
    Congratulations on being Danny Ray’s featured blogger today. I was his featured blogger too! Maybe you can check out my site.
    Janice

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      1. Your blog is amazing. It seems you really know what you are doing! It is really great of you to share your knowledge. I am having the most trouble setting up my blog. Customizing it. I think the main reason I am having trouble may be the fact that I am working from an iPad and not an actual computer. I am not understanding what menus are or widgets. It is literally like a foreign language to me. Also I don’t know how to put my Facebook page here so people can follow or my Twitter. I’m sorry I am a mess lol

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  7. Thank you for following my blog and Phillip thanks you as well. I have been in your shoes a lifetime ago and truly understand what you are living. As hard as they were, I find myself remembering them as the best days of my life. Hang in there and enjoy!

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